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Gaynalysis: Dover Chase Race 2011

The Gaynalysis is just one gay NASCAR fan’s take on the race weekend.  You can read the “straight” recap of the AAA 400 from Dover, Delaware by clicking here.

 

credit: Kevin R Tengesdal

Kurt Busch won at Dover – did I say Kurt won, I’m sorry – I meant to say that Hot Carl and Jimmie lost.

After a week of listening to pundits saying Jimmie and Chad were done – that the #48 had no chance – Johnson showed up at one of his better tracks and showed a little bit of what has led that team to so many championships.

The #48 led the most laps (156) but he admittedly screwed up the last two restarts and let Kurt Busch jump out to a huge lead.

Hot Carl lost it for himself much earlier in the race.  He led early – 116 laps but then was flagged by NASCAR for speeding on pit road.  After serving a pass-through penalty the #99 found himself 2 laps down.  He did earn those laps back through the last few cautions – and it looked like he might have a chance to surmount the deficit and run for the win.

But the #22 was too good on the those last restarts.  Johnson, Edwards and Kurt Busch were clearly the fastest cars on the track and they led the bulk of the laps – so it was nice to see the three best cars finish one-two-three.  This race did not come down to fuel milage.

The three also shook-up the points race.  After winning the first two races of the Chase – Tony Stewart finished two laps down and tumbled in the standings.

Kevin Harvick and Carl Edwards are tied for the lead in the points.  The top-9 drivers are within 19 points – so anyone of these guys still has a chance.  I think that Hamlin, Newman and Earnhardt Jr. are too far back… the top-9 guys are simply running too well.

Earnhardt had a long day at Dover.  Early in the race he went several laps down when a suspension part failed.  Then the #88 crew failed and sent Dale out with a lose tire;  it was too much to overcome.

Jeff Gordon had an awful qualifying effort and started 34th.  He did manage to get back to a 12th place finish – but the #24 did not have the goods to run in the top-5.

There really wasn’t much drama on the track.  Kurt was good and for once was not yelling at his team. The sharp words exchanged last week between Jimmie Johnson and Chad Knaus were smoothed over.  “You are doing a hell of a job,” said Knaus – with Jimmie replying “Thank you. Let’s do this, boys. Let’s get this.”

Looks like someone brought Chad and 5-time some cookies and milk.

This week’s Q4G shout-out goes to Kasey Kahne and the #4 Redbull Team – Heyyyyyyyyyy Kasey and Red Bull.  They came home P-4 on Sunday.  They ran in or near the top-5 all day.  Recently the team announced that there still was no deal to sell the team – and most of the guys would be out of a job at the end of the season.  Sure, Kasey has his seat next year at Hendrick – but it would be really easy for that entire group to check out early – and none of them quit.  They bring a fast car to the track every week.

Lastly, I will close with some of the drama from the Nationwide Race on Saturday.  During one caution, Reed Sorenson brought the #32 to pit road…..while pit road was closed.  According to the rules – Reed needed to go to the rear on the restart.

But no one from NASCAR came over the radio and gave Reed orders to move back…. so he didn’t.  After the race started, NASCAR stated that it was too late.  They admitted that they messed up by not communicating to the #32 – but since the race restarted, there was nothing they could do about it.

Fair enough – a mistake was made and NASCAR admitted it.  You can’t blame Reed for not moving back in line on his own – or can you?

Both Reed and his crew chief knew the penalty was coming – they were waiting for word to come from NASCAR…..and it never did.

Food for thought;  what if NASCAR were like Golf.  Golfer are expected to penalize themselves – even if no one sees their mistake.  What if NASCAR drivers had to call penalties on themselves…. would that ever work?

 

Gaynalysis: Indy Japan The Final

For the straight recap of the final Indycar race at Twin-Ring Motegi, click here.  Otherwise, buckle up for the gaynalysis!

I’m going to be straight up like Paula Abdul:  I did not watch the race.  I know, bad Ross.  But, you can’t blame me for not being in the gym on a treadmill at 1AM on Sunday morning to watch the race live.  However, I stayed up-to-date with the race on Twitter and have watched the race highlight reel from Indycar.

For those of you unfamiliar, Indycar has raced at the Twin-Ring Motegi oval since 2004.  Unfortunately, the oval was damaged during the earthquake earlier this year.  Instead of aborting the event, Indycar agreed to race on the road course.  If any of you have Gran Turismo 4 at home, you can race on both the oval and the road course.

First off, I want to start by saying that the restarts were some of the most pitiful I have seen all year.  Additionally, the restarts at Baltimore were just as bad.  Kindergarteners with A.D.D could form better double-file rows.  Seriously, come on guys.  It isn’t that hard.  I raced go-karts with a bunch of redneck kids in the woods of South Mississippi and we could do it.

In similar fashion to the race at Mid-Ohio, Scott Dixon started from the pole and won.  If he starts up front he is going to be relentlessly fast.  That is a guarantee.  In other Scott Dixon news, before leaving for Japan, Scott and his wife Emma welcomed their 2nd child, Tilly, into the world.

Apparently, the race was neither a snoozer like Infineon, nor as exciting as Baltimore.  For most Indycar fans that was fine.  We all were hoping for a drama free face.  No flubbed calls, no mad drivers…just a good race.  However, that wasn’t the case.  There are 2 moments that define this race:

1.)  Dario Franchitti’s kamikazi move into Turn 1 could be, in the coming weeks, the tide turner of the 2011 championship.  Approaching turn one after a restart, Dario attempted to make it 3-wide.  Obviously, this did not work out at all.  Not only did he spin out Ryan Briscoe, he also spun out teammate Graham Rahal and caused another teammate, Charlie Kimball, to go off course and into the sand trap.  Mr. Chip Ganassi was not happy at all that one stupid move took out 3 of his cars that were running in the top 10.  Dario was “penalized” by being sent to the end of the field on the restart.  Many fans were upset stating that the penalty was not severe enough and he should have been given a green-flag drive thru penalty.  Nevertheless Dario carved through the field to finish 8th.  Dario did man up and admit fault.  For Dario to admit he messed up you know it was a very obvious mistake.

2)  Helio Castroneves took to Twitter after the race complaining about the officiating and Brian Barnhart because he was penalized after the checkers for passing someone under yellow.  The rant can be read here.  Whether the penalty was the correct call or not, I’m not sure.  I haven’t seen the pass in question.  However, the questioning of the officiating can be traced to the word “discretion” used in the Indycar rule book.  What “discretion” creates is the ability for fans, drivers, and teams to question almost any call by race control.  Instead of having hard and fast rules that if you do X then Y will happen every time no matter what, discretion allows leeway, bias, and favoritism…or so it may appear.  So, Helio can be somewhat justified by ranting that officiating is biased.   I say we have a big bonfire at the conclusion of the season and burn the current rule book.  A fresh start is what is needed.  No discretion!

All that being said, I’m personally tired of all of the complaining.  I’m just glad this was the last race at a road or street course for the current Dallara package.  The car has been past its prime for some years now.  The cars were never designed to run on road and street courses, so it is time for them to be taken out to the back of the pasture and be put down for good.  Additionally, I listened to Speed TV reporter Marshall Pruett on Trackside last week with Kevin Lee and Curt Cavin.  Pruett stated that Dan Wheldon has had great things to say about the new car.  It seems like the road and street courses will be a lot more interesting next year with the drivers being able to drive the car much harder and attack the corners more.  I get the feeling it will be like going from racing a Ford Crown Victoria to a Ford Mustang.

One last thing before I stop rambling.  I’ll first say, again, that I’m neither a Danica Patrick hater nor a fan.  I’m neutral to her.  But, she made a comment in reference to Brazilian drivers in an interview with the Associated Press following the Nationwide race at Richmond that really irked me.  You guys can read for yourself if you haven’t already and draw your own conclusions.  I’ll just say that I will be more than happy when NASCAR inherits the joy of Danica next year.

And that’s it from Japan.  I apologize for not being able to watch the race live, but I was certain I wouldn’t have made it very long on the treadmill at 1AM.  The next Indycar event will be the Kentucky Indy 300 at Kentucky Speedway broadcast live on October 2nd on Versus at 2PM Eastern.  Trust me, it will be an event you will not want to miss.

Ross (@driverswanted07)

Interview: Pippa Mann – IZOD Indycar Series Driver

I had a chance to chat with IZOD Indycar Series driver and 2011 Indianapolis 500 racer Pippa Mann.  Currently, Pippa is scheduled to participate in the upcoming Kentucky Indy 300 (the site of her 2010 Indy Lights victory) on October 2nd as well as the IZOD Indycar World Championship race in Las Vegas on October 16th in the Rahal Letterman Lanigan Racing #30 sponsored by Service Central.  Pippa is one of the most fan-friendly drivers in the paddock actively interacting with fans via Twitter and Facebook daily.  Pippa was a awesome to chat with, and we at Queers 4 Gears wish her the best of luck and a full time ride in 2012!  Enjoy!

Photo via www.PippaMann.com

 

Q:  First off, how is your back feeling?  

PM:  Umm it’s doing pretty well.  I have a doctors appointment tomorrow (September 7th) and should be cleared on Monday.  They said it would be a 4-6 week recovery.  Monday will be 4 weeks.  It looks promising. (ED:  Pippa reported via Twitter she has been cleared to drive at Kentucky.)

Q:  What is the appropriate underwear for race day?  Does Victorias Secret make fireproof underwear? 

PM:  (laughs) Underneath the fire suits, the guys and girls have to wear Nomex long-johns, and under that you have regular underwear.  And, as I learned at New Hampshire, it should always be something modest because as a racecar driver you never know when you may unexpectedly have to show it to someone! But, that only gets shown in the emergency room!

Q:  (Twitter Question via @tonytellez) You’ve Tweeted about it several times, why does your hair turn green?  

PM:  Something is in the water…not sure what it is!  It used to be swimming and chlorine…that was the easiest way to turn it green, but there is something in the water here in America that turns it green.  I have tried everything…rinsing it with beer…I was told to rub ketchup in it…I’ve spent a fortune on specialty shampoos…I typically have to go every 3 weeks to the salon to get a treatment to keep it blonde.

Q:  (Twitter Question via @aka_robyn)  In regards to F1, do you feel it is a particularly unwelcoming environment for women?  

PM:  I actually think that is a good point.  It is extremely difficult to further a career as a female in Europe.  I’ve had great opportunities and tests, but for a lot of teams, the reaction seems to be, “We like you and think you’d be great, but we aren’t sure about having a girl on the team.”  In the states, at times, it has gone the other way, but I enjoy that fact.  Right now though it is pretty even due to the amount of women trying to make it. I don’t want to get somewhere just because I’m a girl, but I have no problem getting there and being a girl.

Q:  Name one song you’d be embarrassed to admit you dance around your house to? 

PM:  There’s about a hundred!  Top of the list…cheesy songs like Journey “Don’t Stop Believing”, Bon Jovi “Living On A Prayer”, “Wild One” by Roy Orbison…I have a hairbrush that I use as a microphone for that one!  But when I’m alone…I’ll just say that I grew up when boy bands were really popular…lets leave it at that (laughs)!

Q:  What about gay fans in Indycar?  Have you had very much interaction with any ?  

PM:  Not really…I don’t have a really good gaydar. Most of the fans have just been really pleasant.   I’ve been really enjoying the fans in the states…I haven’t had anyone in a pink sparkly shirt to give me a hug if that’s not taking the stereotype too far (laughs)! My gaydar is fairly non-existent!

Q:  What is your most embarrassing moment at a racetrack?  

PM:  Good question…I really don’t know.  I’m fairly clumsy. I’ve fallen in front of people and the team a fair amount of times. At Indy I had flip-flops on while it was raining one day and stepped on the slippy surface of the engineering room and fell flat on my back!

Q:  What are your thoughts on Danica?  Do you think her leaving will allow others like yourself more opportunity to have some of the spotlight? 

PM:  To me personally it doesn’t bother me.  I get asked about Danica a lot.  But, If I were a Scottish it would be Dario.  I’ll point out, I’ve listened to her scanner in a couple of NASCAR races, and have seen others comments that have listened to her, and it just sounds like she’s having fun there.  I think that is a really good reason for making a switch.  For Indycar, I do hope it will allow other drivers to get the spotlight.  I think it’s great GoDaddy is staying with Andretti Autosport.  It is another car with sponsorship for another driver…which is a very cool thing.  There’s Graham Rahal, Charlie Kimball, Hinch, JR Hildebrand, Simona, Ana, myself…I think the series has a lot of potential for new story lines and faces.

Q:  You like shoes…who is your favorite designer? 

PM:  I have extremely expensive tastes! It’s terrible!  Jimmy Choo’s are my favorite and I can’t afford them unless they are second hand or from eBay.  I spend lot of time in DSW and often times have buyers remorse, especially when I come home and see the prices on on-line and on eBay!

Photo via www.PippaMann.com

Q:  Girl talk question, Who do you think is the hottest driver, as far as looks, in Indycar? 

PM:  To be honest, I’ve never really looked at other drivers in that light.  I think it’s because I’m competing against them.  It’s just something that has never really crossed my mind.

Q:  You train with other drivers at PitFit Training.  How is that environment and does that foster friendships or make it strange to compete against those people on raceday?  

PM:  You are rarely training with more than 1 or 2 other people in the mornings. I would say it helps us form friendships on and off the track…you race everyone hard and clean.  I think it is a benefit.  It is kinda cool because it is spread out over all the series.  I really enjoy the environment.  Recently, it helped me get to know another female driver, Tatiana Calderon, who races in the Star Mazda series, and I really think she’s really cool.

Q:  Any positive progress on 2012 yet?  

PM:  You know, the honest answer…I took a big hit 4 weeks ago, and with the timing of that and the pressure to get deals done for 2012, it was really unfortunate timing.  It was the old 2 steps forward, 1 step back.  I really want to be out there full time.  It is asking a lot for sponsor to look past the hit and that I only have 2 races under my belt.  My next race still isn’t for another 3 weeks, so I have a while before I can get out there and set the course right.  The main issue is that it was really bad timing..that’s what is the hardest part.  It’s not the torn up car because that can be fixed and the team knew I was giving it my all and that we weren’t on point, not the injury, not the indignity of crashing because it’s always going to happen in a career, especially in oval racing…it’s just the timing.

Q:  What is something you’d like to talk about or mention that you are never asked in interviews?

PM:  (silence)….It’s been a while since I’ve been thrown so that’s a good one. I want to emphasize that I want to be out there full time in 2012.  I’m really working towards and doing everything I can to make it happen.  I know it’s a boring answer, but it is the most important, omnipresent factor in my life right now.  It is the last thing I think about at night and first thing in the morning every morning.

Pippa at the Indianapolis 500 - Photo via www.PippaMann.com

Gaynalysis: Inaugural Baltimore Grand Prix

For a “straight” recap of the race, please read this great article by Marshall Pruett from SpeedTV here.  Also, highlights of the race, as provided by Indycar, are located here via YouTube.

In typical fashion, Will Power dominated the inaugural Baltimore Grand Prix.  Starting from the pole, the only laps Power did not lead were the laps during which green flag pit stops were cycling.  The past few weeks he has been running like a Cheetah after an antelope.  Power sits 5 points behind Dario Franchitti for the overall championship after this weekends event.  I will say that the more Power wins, the more attractive he gets.  When he stands on the podium covered in sweat and champagne and starts talking with that Aussie accent…whew!

The race on Sunday was the first at the downtown Baltimore street circuit.  Practice was delayed on Friday as the track had not been finished due to the removal of some fencing for Hurricane Irene the week earlier.  Also, organizers placed what could be the most ghetto chicane at the beginning of the front stretch to keep cars from launching over exposed light-rail tracks.  The drivers looked like drunk drivers dodging speed-bumps as they navigated the curbs.  Turn one of the circuit was of major concern due to the high entry speed and sharp, narrow angle.  This season most drivers have been forgetting how to properly apply their brakes, so the concern was warranted.  However, there wasn’t a single caution due to an accident in turn one during the race.  But, during Sunday morning warm-up, Tony Kanaan’s brakes failed entering turn one.  Kanaan, in an attempt to scrub off speed, ran into Helio Castroneves and launched into the air and through the run-off area narrowly missing some corner workers.  It was akin to a scene in The Fast and the Furious.  Travis Pastrana should take lessons from Kanaan because he stuck the landing…thankfully.  Kanaan, Castroneves, and corner workers were all uninjured.  I am pretty sure the corner workers needed clean underwear though.  Kanaan, in a backup car, finished in 3rd.

Simona “Swiss Missile” de Silvestro returned to the US after visa issues – stated as a “big misunderstanding” by her and the team – prevented her from racing at Infineon.  Simona qualified 12th, her best start of the season, ran in the top 10 all day and led one lap during pit-stops.  However, Simona finished 12th while on an alternate fuel strategy that didn’t pay off.

Ryan Briscoe caused a massive traffic jam on lap 38 in the hair-pin Turn 3 when he spun out Ryan Hunter-Reay.  The resulting accident looked like Houston traffic at 5:30 on a Tuesday.  Most drivers were able to continue, and race control, in typical fashion, did their best to try “solve” the restart line-up issues, but they only irritated fans…as usual.  I won’t go into the details, but I will just say a monkey humping a football has a better idea of what he is doing than race control on any given Sunday.  And for that matter, there shouldn’t be anyone “controlling” the race.  Monitoring, yes.  Controlling, no.  If someone is driving with their head up their butt the other drivers should police it like the NASCAR “boys have at it” attitude.  Plus, I’d love to see Marco Andretti and Graham Rahal cat-fight over a crumpled front wing.  There would be weave and press-on-nails flying everywhere.  Briscoe was penalized for avoidable contact.

To my disappointment, Tomas Scheckter did not race shirtless.  After the race he did Tweet a picture of his blistered and beat-up hands.  Not sexy.  Many drivers did state the race was the most physical and demanding of their careers.  Tomas also Tweeted, “My body feels like I been run over by a train and then a monster truck.  It actually feels like I had an entire exgames on my body.”

Despite some community opposition, the inaugural race was a resounding success. The  event was a sellout and it was estimated by the promoter that between 150,000-160,000 race fans were in attendance through the race weekend.  It was also estimated that 75,000 fans attended on Sunday.  There were more fans at the track on Friday for practice than some races have had for the main event on Sunday.  The Baltimore GP also stated on Twitter the race had the highest ratings ever for an Indycar race on Versus, though no specific ratings have been released at this point.  Fans, drivers, and teams all praised the event, the city, and the atmosphere comparing it to Long Beach in California.  I will take a moment to say that one of the beautiful things about Indycar is the ability to run on any type of circuit, any street, anywhere.  How many other types of motorsports can go exactly where there is demand?  It doesn’t matter if it were Soso, Mississippi, downtown Los Angeles, or internationally…Indycar can race there.

Indycar has an off week this week before heading to the Twin-Ring Motegi in Japan on September 17th.  The event will be the first Indycar race on the road-course because the oval was damaged during the earthquake on March 11 of this year.  This year will be the last race  for Indycar at the Twin-Ring Motegi.  There have been concerns over nuclear radiation at the facility, though teams have been assured radiation levels are within safe ranges.  I wonder if race control is going to penalize a driver if they sprout a 3rd arm during the race?  Is that an unfair advantage?  The race will be live on Versus at 11:30PM Eastern due to the time difference.  I highly doubt I will be on a treadmill at 10:30 on a Saturday night to watch the race.

Ross

Gaynalysis: Was Brad Cheating ?

The race last weekend in Bristol lacked any real drama on the track but there has been lots of talk about speeding on pit road – and did Brad Keselowski cheat to get the win.  You can read the “straight” recap of the race by clicking here.

credit: Kevin R Tengesdal

NO! Brad didn’t cheat.

But he was guilty of speeding.

By now we have all seen the #2 dart past others on pit road as he perfectly sped in between the timing lines NASCAR uses.  Keselowski could slow down just before hitting the line and stay in NASCAR’s good graces.

Even with his amazing run over the past few weeks, Brad still has his haters – and on mass they took to Twitter, Facebook and SiriusXM NASCAR radio to scream about that cheating Keselowski.

He did not cheat – he took advantage of a dangerous loop-hole that NASCAR created when spacing out the timing lines on pit road.

Why does NASCAR have a rule about speed in the pits?  One word – SAFETY.  In November 1990, at the Atlanta Journal 500, Ricky Rudd sped into pit road and lost control of his car spinning 180* into Bill Elliot’s parked car.  The rear tire changer for Elliott, Mike Rich, was crushed and killed in the accident.  This video is easily found on YouTube – but I do not want to link or post it here.

After that incident NASCAR implemented the pit road speed rule.

Brad did speed on pit road and one can easily argue that he put a lot of crew members in danger.

We can’t place the blame with Brad.  Jimmie Johnson and Matt Kenseth do the same thing.  Can’t blame them either.  Races are being decided these days by fractions of a second and every driver owes it to his team, sponsor and self to take every legal advantage to gain spots in the race.

NASCAR needs to quickly change the way they calculate speed on pit road.  They need to add more timing lines.  Why not have one located at every pit stall?  That way a driver could never speed in the pits.

And don’t even talk to me about expense.

The rule is in there for the safety of the crews working on pit road. That’s the bottom line.  They limit the speed that the cars can travel to reduce the risk as much as possible.  But – the way the rule is enforced today  - allows drivers to speed legally.  If NASCAR is serious about protecting the crews by limiting speed they cannot allow it to go on like this.

And while they may take my suggestion of adding a timing line at each pit – they are taking a look at better ways to do it.

Sprint Cup Series Director John Darby said, “We understand what happened, and we’re already looking at it,  we’ll probably put in two more scoring loops on each side of pit road.”

Come on NASCAR, close the loop-hole.  Who know’s maybe scoring loops and timing lines are old-school.  Maybe there is a new technology out there – maybe there’s an App for that.

You can watch it for yourself – at the 0:40 mark.

Gaynalysis: Indy Grand Prix of Sonoma

Credit Richard Dowdy/IZOD Indycar Series Media Site

Ah, Indycar at Infineon…wine, beautiful track, gorgeous weather, fast cars, and a good time for a nap.  They don’t call in “Infini-yawn” and “Snor-oma” for nothing.  To make matters worse, I have to watch all races telecast on Versus at the gym on a treadmill or elliptical since I can’t get Versus at my loft.  It is a lot easier to stay on a treadmill or elliptical for 2 hours if the race is interesting, but after about 30-minutes I was on the verge of a Karen Carpenter style collapse.

Mr. Angry Birds, Will Power, totally dominated the race weekend starting from the pole and leading all but 4-laps.  We are talking a Folsom Street Fair, S&M total domination.  Rihanna would have been proud.   Sadly, I pined for the drama of New Hampshire…the Danica pirouette and ensuing melee, Tomas Scheckter’s 3-wide passes in turn 1, Tony Kanaan flipping and knocking over a Port-O-Potty, and Will Power’s flying middle-fingers.

The only yellow-flag of the event came out when Chinese rookie Ho-Pin Tung, in his first Indycar start and the first start by a Chinese in Indycar, attempted to overtake Alex Tagliani and instead ended up off track and bouncing off the wall.  I’m sure it was not how he was “Ho-Pin” his first start would go.  If you will recall, Tung attempted to qualify for the Indianapolis 500 this year, but he backed the car into the wall between turns 1 and 2 during his qualifying attempt.  I will refrain from any Asian driver jokes, but feel free to insert your own here…at least they don’t have to use a blinker in an Indycar…

Rookie Martin Plowman made his 2nd start of the year in the #17 AFS/Sam Schmidt Motorsport entry sponsored by Snowball Express.  Plowman was impressive and finished a respectable 12th.  Martin drove hard, plowing through the field from his 15th starting position.  Ryan Hunter-Reay and Oriol Servia were in the process of getting plowed by Martin before running out of time in the closing laps.  The Snowball Express machine put a smile on my face as I’m sure it did many others.  I was confused to learn that Snowball Express was NOT what I imagined…(Between the sponsor and his last name I could go on for hours…)

HVM Racing’s Simona de Silvestro was unable to compete at Infineon.  When attempting to return to the US from a visit to her home country of Switzerland, she encountered visa issues and was not allowed to return in time.  However, it is “rumored” that de Silvestro kept referring to herself as the “Swiss Missile” which caused passenger uproar and a security breach.  Switzerland decided to keep her as the only missile in their arsenal.  2011’s super-sub Simon Pagenaud took the reign of Pork Chop for the weekend.  Pork Chop tweeted, “Pardon my French, but who’s ass is in my cockpit?!”.  Oui oui!  Sounds like a come-on line to me.  And yes, Simona’s car has a Twitter.  I highly recommend you following him as he is the funniest Dallara you will ever meet.

Andretti Autosport announced over the weekend that RC Cola would sponsor Marco Andretti full-time in 2012.  I am going to be the first to start the campaign to get Moon Pie’s to sponsor another entry for the team.  I’m most positive that the RC Cola and Moon Pie cars would be the most popular entries at the Barber Motorsports Park race outside of Birmingham, Alabama.  Being from Mississippi, I have enjoyed the pleasure of an RC Cola and Moon Pie many times in my life.  And, forget getting beads at Mardi Gras, I want a banana flavored Moon Pie!

So, that is it from Sonoma.  Next week Indycar heads to Baltimore for the Inaugural Grand Prix of Baltimore.  The temporary street course runs through downtown, by the inner harbor, around Camden Yards, and the Baltimore Convention Center.  Teams have no prior experience or testing on the course, so I expect solid runs from rookies and some of the smaller teams.  My main man Tomas Scheckter will return to pilot the #07 Redline Extreme machine.  I personally think Tomas should race shirtless, but that’s just me.  One can dream…

Ross (@driverswanted07 on Twitter)

Gaynalysis: Michigan and Montreal

The Gaynalysis is just one gay NASCAR fan’s take on the race weekend.  You can read the “straight” recap of the Pure Michigan 400 from Michigan International Speedway by clicking here.

credit: Kevin R Tengesdal

The rain and the drama failed to materialize this weekend in Michigan.

Having seen the race carry over to Monday last week I was glad to see them get the race in.  But, for the most part, the race was what we have come to expect on this wide oval….. cars spread out like Steve Wallace’s hair through Jerry Baxter’s fingers. (more on that later)

They can easily run four wide into turn one on the re-start but by the time they get to turn three things are almost single-file.   There were only 5 cautions and only one of those involved contact when the #22 and #1 got together in turn 2.   Greg Biffle was fast – leading 5 time for 86 laps…. I think someone told him that former Muppet’s star Boris Said was right behind him.  Run Forest Biffle Run.

Kyle Busch redeemed himself after blowing the last restart at Watkins Glen.  He kept it up front for the last laps, took the win and claimed his place in this year’s Chase.

This week’s Q4G shout-out goes to Mark Martin… Heyyyyyyyyy Mark.   The #5 was fast and it looked like Martin might make his first trip to Victory Circle this season.  On the last re-start he was lost in the turn one shuffle and finished the day P4.  Nice work Mark!

OK enough with the boring oval track race – the real action was north of the border as the Nationwide Series made their annual visit to the Circuit Gilles Villeneuve.

As always, it is interesting to hear the pre-race ceremonies done in both the English and French Freedom language.

Much to the surprise of no one (in the ESPN booth) Steve Wallace couldn’t keep his bumpers to himself and caused a few wrecks.  He took out Patrick Carpentier – who was making his last appearance ever and was a local hero.

After the race, Jerry Baxer, the crew chief for Carpentier walked up to a still strapped in Steve Wallace and commenced to yanking on that boy’s hair.  Actually, it seemed like Jerry was trying to extricate Steve from the car using his hair as fulcrum.

Immediately after the incident Wallace went on TV and uttered a phrase that instantly went viral: “Only girls pull hair.”     BOYS DIVAS HAVE AT IT!

Today, Baxter apologized saying, “We really thought he had a shot for the win and everything boiled over when that chance went away in the wreck.  Everyone was just racing hard and there was no intent to wreck anyone. There’s no excuse for what I did after the race and I apologize to everyone.”

NASCAR will announce on Tuesday if “Hair Pulling” is an action detrimental to Stock Car Racing.

Unlike Michigan, the racing was pretty stellar in Montreal.  I love that track and that little island is so amazing; I hope the Cup boys book a cruise race there soon.   There has been a lot of talk about adding a third road course to the schedule.  The fans in Canada are amazing and they packed that road course – give em’ the Cup race they deserve.

This is the third week in a row that there has been some post-race drama.  Thank goodness we are heading to Bristol this weekend where everyone is known for keeping a calm and collective demeanor.

You can watch the hair pullin’ commence here:

Gaynalysis: Pocono Part Deux

The Gaynalysis is just one gay NASCAR fan’s take on the race weekend.  You can read the “straight” recap of the Good Sam RV Insurance 500 from Pocono by clicking here.

credit: Kevin R Tengesdal

Even with the rain delay, the drama at end of this race made up for the typical tricky triangle’s boredom.  The Q4G ratings agency was able to downgrade the race from AAAstoundingly boring to only AAmazingly boring.

Diva Denny Hamlin led the most laps – and he needed a good finish.  Lingering outside the top ten with only one win makes him vulnerable when it comes to getting in the Chase.  But he just couldn’t keep it up front and a late error on pit road cost the #11 several spots and Denny ended up P15.  His crew simply must start doing a better job handling Denny’s nuts.

Denny was already in a horrible mood because team orders dictated he give up the lead to Kyle Busch and then Kyle didn’t wanna give it back!  Listening to those two fight over the spot was like listening to two kids argue because one got one more sip of juice in his cup than the other.

The whole team orders thing really bothers me – but it’s a byproduct of points racing. This year, more than ever, each point earned has tremendous value.  You don’t have to look further than Tony “I like to make local reporters cry” Stewart.  The #14 is currently ninth in points and without a win Tony will have plenty of time during the Chase to worry about signing Danica – and Newman for that matter.

The big drama of the day was between Jimmie “see I told you I wasn’t vanilla” Johnson and Kurt “sorry guys, I didn’t mean what I said on the scanner again” Busch.  Seems the  old history of battling between these two has no chance of dying down.

All bets were off at that point.  There were a few laps to go and both guys wanted the same spot.  They both hacked into each other.  It was beating and banging racing and I loved it.

Diva Jimmie couldn’t hardly get his car stopped before ripping off his gear and running back to confront a pasty Busch.  Kurt climbed out, grabbed his ice cold crying towel and scoffed back at Jimmie.  I half expected one of them to say, “I know you are but what am I.”

Jimmie did offer to shut Kurt’s mouth up for him.  According to Bob Pockrass over at SceneDaily – JJ said, “He’s a big crybaby and wants to take shots at me when he can.  He’s good for running his mouth. He can keep running it. I’ll shut it for him.”

Kurt took no blame in the incident, “I didn’t know we were supposed to pull over when it came down to five to go,” Busch said. “I raced him hard. I raced him smart. I raced him clean. And he wants to come over here and bitch about it.”
Kurt’s snootiness continued into the media center where he snapped at Pockrass – insinuating that Bob writing belongs in People Magazine.  In actuality Kurt has nothing to worry about – turns out you have to be good looking to make it into People Magazine

This week’s Q4G shout-out goes to Brad Keselowski.  HEEEYYYY BRAD!  I know, I know – you are sitting there shocked.  I usually give the Ice Cream Boy such a hard time.  But credit where credit is due!  This kid climbed in a race car with a broken foot and hurt back and stayed out there all day in pain.  He also held off a charging KyBu at the end to earn the win.  This second win gives him a really good chance to score the wild card and make it into the Chase.

I also must mention the end of the Nationwide Race from Iowa on Saturday.  The “rear ending” jokes would be too easy – so I will just post the link to the video and let you write your own caption.