The Gaynalysis is just one gay NASCAR fan’s take on the race weekend. You can read the “straight” recap of the Bojangles 500 from Darlington Speedway by clicking here.
In the early twenties, scientist at the Santorum Institute were the first to identify the phenomenon of gays loving a parade. While their science was sound, their methodology failed to account for gay NASCAR fans watching Saturday night’s race from Darlington.
This gay, for example, did not expect to see a parade of race cars at a track known for the exact opposite. “The Lady in Black” and the track that is “too tough to tame” had been billed as the antidote to the plague of long green flag segments that have infected the sport this season.
Several single car spins and shards of debris brought most out the earlier caution flags – but at a track known for only having one racing groove, it wasn’t too surprising that the field got spread out like Kim Jong Il’s ashes on Ryan Seacrest. Luckily, the rash of cautions that did fall came at the end of the race putting fans on the edge
of their seats of glory.
The black cloud that has followed the #24 this season returned to Darlington – as Jeff Gordon developed three flat tires in less than 10 laps and wound up taking the car behind the wall. Maybe the contract he signed with the devil to play blues guitar and race cars really gud’ has expired.
With less than 60 laps to go the field was under caution after last year’s winner Regan Smith spun at the entrance to pit road most of the
drivers divas started to save fuel. Fox devoted several minutes of live TV to showing Jimmie Johnson flipping a switch down, then flipping it up, then flipping it back down again, then up, then down – I haven’t seen such riveting television since my cable box locked up while stuck on CSPAN.
As the field spread back out after that caution there were some great passes for position – bringing some excitement to race. Within a few laps a lose Jamie Mac slid up into AJ Allmendinger – bringing the caution back out. While they were the only two to suffer damage – it did cause even more panic for the guys calculating fuel mileage in the pits. I haven’t seen that many switches since I watch a Mitt Romney speech.
As the laps wound down Tony Stewart did everything he could to catch Jimmie Johnson who was en route to breaking a 16-race winless streak and bring his boss the 200th win for Hendrick Motorsports.
It looked like Jimmie was going to run away with it when with 7 laps to go Kurt Busch bounced of the wall several times before a flat tire finally spent the #51 across the apron – unable to check up, Ryan Newman got turned and was along for the ride as the #39 went hard into the outside wall.
But, the green/white/checkered finish didn’t throw the #48 off their game…. Jimmie jumped way out front on the final restart and never looked back.
The only real drama came after the race when Ryan Newman’s pit crew tried to attack Kurt Busch. After Kurt spun he cussed out his team on the scanner in typical KuBu Asshat fashion and then proceeded to do a burnout through the #39 pit box. Newman’s crew chief Tony Gibson said, “When you come ripping through somebody’s pit box like that, he could have took out five or six guys plus the officials pretty easy, I don’t know how somebody didn’t get run over, to be honest with you. It was a miracle nobody got hit.”
In my favorite quote of the season thus far Ryan Newman told Dustin Long from SI.com that he thought the elder Busch brother has a “chemical imbalance.”
The #39 crew was waiting for Kurt at the #51 hauler but Kurt was advised to leave his car on pit road. He wound up hitting the #39 – and while Newman says it was intentional – Busch claimed he “slipped” while taking off his helmet. ??A scuffle then ensued with a NASCAR official falling over the hood of the #51 while trying to break it up. NASCAR is still investigating and will announce later in the week if there will be any fines issued – but Robin Pemberton from NASCAR indicated the official might have lost his footing and not be knocked over.
Seems like Kurt made need a few more sessions in anger therapy.
This week’s Q4G shout-out goes to Tony Stewart – Heyyyyyyy Tony. The pilot of the #14 did his best to establish a new racing line at the one-line track……he really tried to make things work
on the as a bottom – but in the end he had to spend most of his time on the as a top. In the end he just couldn’t pull up tight enough on Johnson’s rear end.
I can’t lie and say that I wasn’t expecting more “hard racing” – but the final restarts did deliver a small fix – and in the end the race didn’t make me love Darlington or NASCAR any less.
Watch the incident on Pit Road between Kurt Busch and Ryan Newman’s crew.